some where out there

josh is going to call meh this afternoon. he says that we need to talk. that doesn't sound good infact that sounds bad i think he is going to break up with meh.god i hope not i love him i really do and this i am sure i don't know anyone like him and if he breaks my heart i will cry i will die a little inside and i don't like my life with out him i don't know what to do i don't want to go home just to hear him say i think it is best we go are seprate ways i don't want that i want to be with him i want him with meh right now and i don't think that he gets that and why should he i have never really let him in god why is it i can't let him in i want him to know how i feel but if i let him in that just means that i am weak right? god plz someone out there help meh josh is the only thing that is making meh sane and i dont' want to lose him and if i do what than i guess life goes on wow if i feel like i am loseing a hand or something like that i don't know.!!!! i know i love him for if i didn't i wouldn't feel this bad about him leaving meh i know he is going to break up with meh i just know it it is in my gut and my gut is usally right but this once i hope it is wrong.i cried this moring god josh you said you would never hurt meh you lied i am hurting and where are you when i fucking need you i want you here with meh right now i am dieing inside i hate that i don't know what the hell is going to tell meh is he cheating on meh is he tired of meh does he want someone else than meh i don't. i dont' know and right now i am feelin kinda good. more powerfull so if he does break up with meh i will be ok i will live i will go one with life and life will go on i will learn to love someone else and that is ok i mean i will be sad about it  i will cry but i won't die i will be ok!!!! yay i feel much better so yaya go me go me not you all i don't know why i just changed my way i just did and i feel great about it so until next time i am here -melinda-